My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
