So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
