the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
