some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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