Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize