I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
