I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
