you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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