Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
