If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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