The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
