Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
two words...techno handjob
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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