I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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