I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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