I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He shit in the fireplace
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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