I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
