Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
