operation have a gay friend backfired
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
There r osticjed everywhere
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
