woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Randomize
