how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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