his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
