it wasn't lemon gatorade
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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