just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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