is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I don't deserve a penis
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
