I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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