She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
