So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
