I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
