You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize