Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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