Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize