Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
