Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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