Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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