dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
