I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
