He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
