I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
