Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize