so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
