Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
