Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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