I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
