I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
