So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
