school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
