But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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