yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
