I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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