So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
