I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
