Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
