god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
