just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
