Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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