Michael Bay diarrhea
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
