I wish I only lived at night.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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