You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
